Difference between revisions of "Transcript:A Clockwork Origin"
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:[Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.] | :[Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.] | ||
:''['''Scene | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Planet Express]], Meeting Room. The [[Planet Express Crew|crew]] are sitting at the table.]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Hermes]]''': Item one... Duck! ''[Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by [[Cubert]] on a [[party board]].]''</poem> | |||
:''[He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "{{w|Darwin}}". It reads | |||
<poem>'''[[Prof. Farnsworth]]''': Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in [[Wozniak Nerd Academy|school]]?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these {{w|anti-evolution}} flyers.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | :''[He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "{{w|Darwin}}". It reads "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He gasps.]'' {{w|Evolution}} is under attack in our schools? To the ''science mobile''.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Leela]]''': You mean the [[Planet Express Ship|ship]]?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Yes. The science mobile!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Wozniak Nerd Academy. The ship passes a sign that says "Go Flinchers!". It lands.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Woman''': I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!</poem> | |||
:''[The crowd listening cheers]'' | :''[The crowd listening cheers]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[Walking to the podium.]'' You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your {{w|turnip}} trucks and go home!</poem> | |||
:''[The crowd boos.]'' | :''[The crowd boos.]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Hydroponic farmer]]''': ''[Standing in front of a turnip truck.]'' That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!</poem> | |||
: | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''[[Dr. Banjo]]''': I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were {{w|orangutan|orangutans}}. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.</poem> | |||
:''[An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Dr. Banjo?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Dr. Banjo''': In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a {{w|Scientific theory|theory}}. Like {{w|gravity}}, or the shape of the [[Earth]].</poem> | |||
:''[The crowd cheers again.]'' | :''[The crowd cheers again.]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Flying Spaghetti Monster (character)|Flying Spaghetti Monster]]''': Hey, Professor, I'm a [[Flying Spaghetti Monster (species)|Flying Spaghetti Monster]]. You seriously believe I've descended from some kind of flightless {{w|manicotti}}?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Yes!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of {{w|Creationism|Creatureism}}. All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space! </poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Bunk!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Oh! ''[He shows a [[hologram]] of a [[humans|man]] and a {{w|chimpanzee}}, with a backwards {{w|prohibition sign}} running through an arrow.]'' If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient {{w|Great Apes|apes}}? </poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': We did find it! ''[The arrow is replaced by {{w|Homo erectus}}.]'' It's called ''Homo erectus''!</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Banjo''': Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this ''Homo erectus''. ''[The arrow is put between before ''Homo erectus''.]</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Yes, they have! ''[The hologram fills in again.]'' It's called ''{{w|Homo habilis}}''!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called ''Homo habilis''.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Yes, they have! ''[The hologram fills in.]'' It's called {{w|Australopithecus africanus}}!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Oh-ho! I've got you now! ''[Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only [[Fry]] and Leela are still there.]'' Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this ''{{w|Darwinius masillae}}? Answer me that, Professor!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': ''[He scoffs.]'' Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Olduvai Gorge]]. A sign reads "Welcome to Olduvai Gorge. Birthplace of {{w|Ryan Seacrest}} (and the rest of mankind). The crew are excavating.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I'll show that {{w|banana}}-swilling, poop-slinger! We just need to find that last missing link.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': I found ''a'' missing link. It seems to be half-man, half-toucan. ''[She shows a human shaped skull with a large beak.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup! ''[She throws it in a pot.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': And here's something. ''[He holds up a fossilized dog]'' Uh-oh. It's [[Jurassic Bark|another one]] of [[Seymour Asses|Fry's dogs]].</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': Did you find something, Hermes?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': ''[Hiding the fossil behind his back.]'' No. ''[The dog lands in the soup.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Amy]]''': I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers! </poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Zoidberg]]''': ''[He and Cubert are standing near the fossil of a long-necked reptile.]'' Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! ''[Cubert looks at him, deadpan.]'' What, too soon?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': I highly doubt a {{w|Jurassic}} {{w|Elaphrosaurus}} has access to neckwear.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Bender]]''': Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! ''[He picks up a spring.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': What? Who says I didn't evolve?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Then explain this! ''[He turns around and works on something. He turns around and shows the Professor. He has put eyes on the spring and mounted it on a plaque that says "I hate Mondays".]''</poem> | |||
:''[Time Lapse.]'' | :''[Time Lapse.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I've hit a rich vein of missing links. {{w|Java Man}}, {{w|Piltdown Man}}, [[Manfred Mann]]. ''[He throws out the skulls as he names them.]'' Eureka! ''[He is holding a skull.]'' It's the elusive missing missing link! This will show Banjo, once and for all!</poem> | |||
:''[The crew cheers from nearby, where they are eating their soup.]'' | :''[The crew cheers from nearby, where they are eating their soup.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He scoops up some soup. Amy's finger is in the spoon.]'' What the...</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Oh, that's mine. ''[She takes it back.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': NNY. Museum of Natural History. A banner reads "World Bone Premiere".]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[He walks up to the Professor, wearing an under-sized {{w|Tuxedo}}.]'' Hmm, my tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it, or evolved, one might say.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': One might ''not'' say that! Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': You mean a man! It was his {{w|Bar Mitzvah}}.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Ben Beeler]]''': Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. ''[The crowd chuckles weakly.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[To Cubert.]'' He's good.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Beeler''': Tonight, we have a new resident here in the hall of {{w|Hominids}}, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, ''Homo farnsworth''. ''[A curtain rises, revealing the skull and an artist's recreation of the hominid.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Once again, science saves the day. The end.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Beeler''': And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!</poem> | |||
:''[The Professor does a {{w|spit take}} His {{w|dentures}} land ''in'' a painting of a {{w|Tarsier}}]''. | :''[The Professor does a {{w|spit take}} His {{w|dentures}} land ''in'' a painting of a {{w|Tarsier}}]''. | ||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Thank you Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all dis-proven evolution. ''[He pulls a cord and a painting of ''Homo farnsworth'' riding a dinosaur is revealed.]'' Behold! ''Homo farnsworth'' frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': I don't want to live on this planet anymore.</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene | :''['''Scene''': Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off.]'' | ||
:''['''Scene''': Deep Space.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that {{w|asteroid}} over there.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Robo-Planetoid]].]'' | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so that I can kick you out of it!</poem> | |||
:''[Hermes sets down a container labeled "Blow Shack" and pulls the cord. The shack pops up and sends Hermes flying.]'' | :''[Hermes sets down a container labeled "Blow Shack" and pulls the cord. The shack pops up and sends Hermes flying.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[Looking at a polluted pond.]'' Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like {{w|Diet Dr. Pepper}}.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. ''[He rattles a tube.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': What's in the tube?</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Microscopic [[Nanobots]]. ''[He empties the tube. The robots quickly start cleaning the water.]'' They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': Speaking of nasty irritants, what's going to become of Cubert?</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry, he's been safely abandoned with his godfather.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. Cubert and Dr. Zoidberg are sitting at a table.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of [[A Clockwork Origin#Goofs| baseball gloves]] and boiled them up for lunch.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': Why don't you just go to Hell!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Robo-Planetoid.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': ''[He walks out of the Professor's shack.]'' Okay, I finished moving the last {{w|grand piano}}. Now can we have our pizza?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': You'll get your damned pizza, you parasite! First, let see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet. ''[He pours some water from an {{w|Erlenmeyer flask}} on to a {{w|microscope}} slide and examines it.]'' Ah, the water's as {{w|sterility|sterile}} as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': What's that you say? Those robots have evolved all by themselves, you say?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': It wasn't by themselves! I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Hey look, now they gotten bigger. ''[The robots are coming onshore.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Good heavens! [[Trilobots]]!</poem> | |||
:''[The Trilobots cannibalize the ship while the crew look on in shock.]'' | :''[The Trilobots cannibalize the ship while the crew look on in shock.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Leela''': Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!</poem> | |||
:''[Time lapse. The Trilobots attack the crew.]'' | :''[Time lapse. The Trilobots attack the crew.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Let's get the pizza out of here. ''[Hermes runs off with the pizza. The crew follows. The Trilobots cannibalize everything, including the Professor's shack and the pianos inside.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. ''[The crew runs into the cave and blocks the door with a boulder.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Does anyone have a lighter?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Hang on. ''[He opens a beer and drinks. He burps and adjusts the flame.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Okay, we've got shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': It's pizza time. ''[He passes boxes to the rest of the crew.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': {{w|Pineapple}}?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': So much for that. ''[They all throw away the pizza.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. Cubert's room.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Hello, I remembered you like superheroes so I painted you a mural on your wall. ''[He points to a crude drawing of himself and Cubert in costume.]'' This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do {{w|three-point perspective}}? I could make a better mural with my butt!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[Sadly.]'' Father-Man away. ''[He scuttles off. Cubert looks ashamed.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Robo-Planetoid. The crew is waking up.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So what do we have to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. ''[He holds up a bottle that says "Steak Dinner 40 mg. Fixin's 10 mg".]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. ''[Bender moves the boulder.]'' Go! Go! Hit anything that moves!</poem> | |||
:''[The crew rushes out, {{w|Karate}}-chopping the non-existent enemies. They all fall into a pile. They get up and take in their surroundings.]'' | :''[The crew rushes out, {{w|Karate}}-chopping the non-existent enemies. They all fall into a pile. They get up and take in their surroundings.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': Whoa.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Wow.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': A whole forest grew overnight.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He knocks on a tree. It is metal and hollow.]'' All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': I can. Robots do everything faster. Including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': ''[She gets water from the pond and re-hydrates the pill. It turns into a steak.]'' One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. ''[She takes a bite.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[In the pond, using a robotic leaf as a boat.]'' Look at me, I'm the {{w|Dan Resin|Ty-D-Bol man}}. I own a yacht an everyone poops on me. ''[He is attacked by a robotic {{w|Plesiosaurs}}.]'' Help! Police!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Everybody grab a club. ''[The rest of the crew starts hitting the robot.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[The robot throws opens its mouth and Fry hits the ground, several feet away.]'' Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... ''[A robotic {{w|T-Rex}} grabs him in its jaws.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': Look out for the next thing!</poem> | |||
:''[A robotic {{w|Triceratops}} rams the T-Rex. The T-Rex robot falls into the water and the Triceratops turns on the crew.]'' | :''[A robotic {{w|Triceratops}} rams the T-Rex. The T-Rex robot falls into the water and the Triceratops turns on the crew.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops!</poem> | |||
:''[The two robot dinosaurs in the pond attack each other.]'' | :''[The two robot dinosaurs in the pond attack each other.]'' | ||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Fry''': Woo-hoo! Throw down dinosaurs of the land and sea. ''[Something crows and Fry screams. A robot {{w|Pterosaur}} carries him off.]'' This is a cool way to die!</poem> | ||
:''['''Scene''': Outside Planet Express.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': Dr. Zoidberg? I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser. ''[Zoidberg comes out of his dumpster.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Go on.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': It's just that I get bullied a lot. I guess I kinda make fun of people as a defense mechanism.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Brett Blob]]''': Hey, Cubert, is that your family mansion? ''[He laughs.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Cubert''': Why don't you ask your [[Mrs. Blob|mom]]? She's coming over for a sex visit.</poem> | |||
:''[Brett's insides start boiling and he pushes himself through a fence, coming towards Cubert. Cubert sees this and backs away, whimpering.]'' | :''[Brett's insides start boiling and he pushes himself through a fence, coming towards Cubert. Cubert sees this and backs away, whimpering.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Don't worry, I know just how to handle bullies. Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared. I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? ''[He bursts into tears.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Brett''': ''[He laughs.]'' The pee-babies peed themselves. I'm off to pottery class, dorkwads.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Zoidberg''': And that's that.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Cubert''': Woah! You're like some kind of dumpster {{sw|Jedi}}.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': So, you wanna come in maybe? ''[He opens the other lid.]'' I've got a nice {{w|pound cake}} with a footprint on it.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Robo-Planetoid. Fry is being taken to the robot Pterosaur's nest.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[Trying to avoid the babies Pterosaurs.]'' Ah! Don't eat my butt!</poem> | |||
:''[The others are crawling in the brush, trying to get to Fry.]'' | :''[The others are crawling in the brush, trying to get to Fry.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Leela''': If this is anything like killing that {{w|pigeon}} on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us. </poem> | |||
:''[The robot T-rex and another dinosaur attack them. Fry is still trying not to be eaten. The sun flares.]'' | :''[The robot T-rex and another dinosaur attack them. Fry is still trying not to be eaten. The sun flares.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Look out, a {{w|solar flare}}!</poem> | |||
:''[An energy wave hits the Planetoid, turning Fry's hair into an {{w|afro}} and short-circuiting the robots. | :''[An energy wave hits the Planetoid, turning Fry's hair into an {{w|afro}} and short-circuiting the robots. | ||
<poem>'''Amy''': What the [[Coinage#S|shmell]] happened?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': A mass extinction. ''[Fry lands unceremoniously near them.]'' That solar flare created a huge {{w|electromagnetic pulse}} that while harmless to organic life, short-circuited the robo-dinosaurs.</poem> | |||
:''[Bender | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': [[Lampshade hanging|Convenient]].</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Only puny, {{w|mammal}}-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe.</poem> | |||
:''[Bender waits until this moment to move the boulder and leave the cave. He is wearing a {{w|scarf}}.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Guys, guys! I taught myself to {{w|knit}}.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!</poem> | |||
:''[Time Lapse. The crew is standing in front of a spaceship.]'' | :''[Time Lapse. The crew is standing in front of a spaceship.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. ''[The crew cheers.]'' Now let's go... to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. ''[Time Lapse. Bender is sleeping on top of Fry, Hermes, and the Professor.]''</poem> | |||
:''[Nearby, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by unknown robots. The rest take no notice, with Bender fluffing his Fry-pillow and turning over.]'' | :''[Nearby, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by unknown robots. The rest take no notice, with Bender fluffing his Fry-pillow and turning over.]'' | ||
:''[Time Lapse. The next morning, a mechanical {{w|rooster}} crows and the crew leaves their cave.]'' | :''[Time Lapse. The next morning, a mechanical {{w|rooster}} crows and the crew leaves their cave.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, looky here. ''[Mechanical flowers have sprung up, there are animals everywhere.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Sweet robot swan of Botswana!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Whatever.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': Hey, looky there. ''[Amy and Leela are still being abducted.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Hermes''': Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women!</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Fry''': We gotta save them! But the only weapon we have is my fan dance. ''[He shows off a fan.]''</poem> | |||
: | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Hmm, I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants. ''[His pants fall down.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Cavemen's cave. The cavemen drops their captives on the ground. They grunt at them and drop a broom nearby.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': I can earn my own rocks! Also, I don't want any rocks!</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Outside the Crew's cave.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Well, it took almost twelve hours, but it's finished.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. ''[They go into their cave.]''</poem> | |||
:''[Time Lapse. The next morning. The remaining crew run out of the cave, screaming war cries. They run right past Amy and Leela. They stop and run back.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': What's going on? How did we save you?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Amy''': It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': I'm gonna miss Spencer.</poem> | |||
:''[Something rustles in the bushes nearby. The robot woman comes out. Fry snorts and scratches his head in confusion.]'' | :''[Something rustles in the bushes nearby. The robot woman comes out. Fry snorts and scratches his head in confusion.]'' | ||
<poem>'''[[Dr. Widnar]]''': Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not gonna hurt you. ''[She throws a net on Fry.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Fry''': ''[He whistles.]'' Nice net.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Widnar''': You... you can speak?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Hermes''': Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Widnar''': I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Bender''': And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Oh, shut up!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Widnar''': Amazing. ''[She pokes Hermes.]'' I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist, but until today, I never had any proof.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': Good for you. Can we go home now? ''[Widnar throws a net on Leela.]''</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Museum of Natural Robo-History]]. The crew looks at the "Ascent of Bot". Widnar steps up to a podium.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Widnar''': Welcome, museum members, or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. ''[A robot coughs.]'' I now present my latest discovery, the amazing non-mechanical man, ''Homo farnsworth''.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Thank you. I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors.</poem> | |||
:''[The crowd gasps.]'' | :''[The crowd gasps.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Widnar''': What?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I thought you knew. You all evolved from some filth-gobbling Nanobots I designed. I dumped them in one of your ponds a few days ago.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Widnar''': But this is Creationist talk!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Robot Farnsworth]]''': He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons not days.</poem> | |||
:''[USB Today Headline: "Trial of the Century. Carbon-based life form accused of Creationism." Underneath, "Carbon-based life discovered.]'' | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Farnsworth''': Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. ''[He shows a hologram of Bender riding one of the dinosaurs. The crowd gasps again.]'' </poem> | ||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''Widnar''': I don't want to live on this planet anymore! ''[She blasts off.]''</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Robo-Police''': You're under arrest for crimes against science.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He is dragged off.]'' No! Could you drag me by the restroom?</poem> | |||
:''[USB Today Headline: "Trial of the Century. Carbon-based life-form accused of Creationism." Underneath, "Carbon-based life-form discovered.]'' | |||
:''['''Scene''': [[Superior Gort]]. Exterior. Protestors are hassling the Professor.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Robot''': Go back to Roboklahoma!</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Superior Gort.]'' | |||
<poem>'''[[Superior Gort Judge]]''': Order! In the matter of ''[[Everyone v. Farnsworth]]'', the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting. Who is representing the accused?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Leela''': I am...</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': I am, your Honor. ''[Everyone else gasps.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Bender, what the Hell are you doing?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour! Besides, I'm a robot, they'll listen to me. ''[He clears his throat.]'' Ladytrons and gentlebots...</poem> | |||
<poem>'''[[Superior Gort Prosecutor]]''': Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Superior Gort Judge''': I'm going to allow them, for now.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious products of evolution. He claim only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! ''[Everyone gasps again.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Objection, I'm not crazy! I created you all and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle. </poem> | |||
:''[Fry gives a thumbs-up.]'' | :''[Fry gives a thumbs-up.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Superior Gort Judge''': Prosecutor, your opening statement?</poem> | |||
:''[A fork-lift carries the jury box out of the room.]'' | <poem>''' Superior Gort Prosecutor''': ''[on cell-phone.] '' Yeah, honey. I'll be home by dinner. ''[To the Judge.]'' The prosecution rests, your Honor.</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Superior Gort Judge''': Very well, we will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.</poem> | |||
:''[A {{w|fork-lift}} carries the jury box out of the room.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[To Farnsworth.]'' Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.</poem> | |||
:''[Time lapse. The next morning. A gavel bangs.]'' | :''[Time lapse. The next morning. A gavel bangs.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Superior Gort Judge''': Has the jury reached a verdict?</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene | <poem>'''[[Robotic gas forms]]''': No, we have not, for we have evolved to a high state of consciousness. ''[They are all energy beings.]'' In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. ''[A blinding flash occurs and the energy beings are gone.]''</poem> | ||
<poem>'''Bender''': ''[To Farnsworth.]'' That'll be $10,000.</poem> | |||
:''['''Scene''': Planet Express. The ship lands. The Professor is showing Banjo pictures of his experience.]'' | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Evolution set into motion by a wise and all-knowing Creator. You.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': ''[He chuckles.]'' Well I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': And the Creator could also be a robot.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Then who built this so-called Creator-robot?</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Banjo''': Some magical bearded robot in the sky? ''[He and Farnsworth laugh.]''</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Bender''': I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Farnsworth''': Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son!</poem> | |||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': Good, cause I'm sick of him!</poem> | |||
:''[Closing Credits.]'' | :''[Closing Credits.]'' | ||
<poem>'''Zoidberg''': ''[Over credits.]'' I'm serious. He's a terrible person.</poem> | |||
{{navigation bottom/transcript | {{navigation bottom/transcript |
Latest revision as of 07:06, 8 February 2020
← Previous | Navigation in production order | Next → |
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Transcript for | |
A Clockwork Origin | |
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Written by | Dan Vebber |
Transcribed by | Teyrn of Highever |
- [Opening Credits: This time, it's personal.]
- [Scene: Planet Express, Meeting Room. The crew are sitting at the table.]
Hermes: Item one... Duck! [Most duck just in time, but Bender is clipped by Cubert on a party board.]
Prof. Farnsworth: Cubert, you crapscallion! What aren't you in school?
Cubert: I couldn't get past the protesters. A bunch of smiling, angry people were handing out these anti-evolution flyers.
- [He shows the Professor one. It shows a woman spanking a man wearing a dunce cap that says "Darwin". It reads "Teach truth, not evolution. Also bring back spanking".]
Farnsworth: [He gasps.] Evolution is under attack in our schools? To the science mobile.
Farnsworth: Yes. The science mobile!
Leela: It's just that you've never called it that before, but okay.
- [Scene: Wozniak Nerd Academy. The ship passes a sign that says "Go Flinchers!". It lands.]
Woman: I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it! We will not give in to the thinkers!
- [The crowd listening cheers]
Farnsworth: [Walking to the podium.] You people are as loud as you are ignorant. Now, get back on your turnip trucks and go home!
- [The crowd boos.]
Hydroponic farmer: [Standing in front of a turnip truck.] That is an insultingly accurate stereotype, sir!
Farnsworth: As a professor of science, I assure you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey-men.
Dr. Banjo: I cannot speak for you, sir, but my ancestors were not monkeys. They were orangutans. Hard-working, patriotic orangutans.
- [An orangutan walks up from the crowd. He is wearing a suit and glasses.]
Farnsworth: Dr. Banjo?
Dr. Banjo: In the fur. And I remind you that evolution is merely a theory. Like gravity, or the shape of the Earth.
- [The crowd cheers again.]
Flying Spaghetti Monster: Hey, Professor, I'm a Flying Spaghetti Monster. You seriously believe I've descended from some kind of flightless manicotti?
Farnsworth: Yes!
Banjo: Oh, please. A far more logical explanation is the undisprovable science of Creatureism. All life was created in its present form seven thousand years ago, by a fantastical creature from outer space!
Farnsworth: Bunk!
Banjo: Oh! [He shows a hologram of a man and a chimpanzee, with a backwards prohibition sign running through an arrow.] If you elitist, East Coast evolution is real, why has no one found the missing link between modern humans and ancient apes?
Farnsworth: We did find it! [The arrow is replaced by Homo erectus.] It's called Homo erectus!
Banjo: Then you have proven my case, sir, for no one has found a link between apes and this Homo erectus. [The arrow is put between before Homo erectus.]
Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in again.] It's called Homo habilis!
Banjo: Ah-ha! But no one has found the missing link between ape and this so called Homo habilis.
Farnsworth: Yes, they have! [The hologram fills in.] It's called Australopithecus africanus!
Banjo: Oh-ho! I've got you now! [Time Lapse. The hologram now shows 19 different species of ape. Only Fry and Leela are still there.] Fair enough, but where, then, is the missing link between apes and this Darwinius masillae? Answer me that, Professor!
Farnsworth: Okay, granted, that one missing link is still missing, but just because we haven't found it doesn't mean it doesn't exist!
Banjo: [He scoffs.] Things don't exist simply because you believe in them. Thus sayeth the Almighty Creature in the Sky!
- [Scene: Olduvai Gorge. A sign reads "Welcome to Olduvai Gorge. Birthplace of Ryan Seacrest (and the rest of mankind). The crew are excavating.]
Farnsworth: I'll show that banana-swilling, poop-slinger! We just need to find that last missing link.
Leela: I found a missing link. It seems to be half-man, half-toucan. [She shows a human shaped skull with a large beak.]
Farnsworth: Not what we're looking for. Throw it in the soup! [She throws it in a pot.]
Hermes: And here's something. [He holds up a fossilized dog] Uh-oh. It's another one of Fry's dogs.
Fry: Did you find something, Hermes?
Hermes: [Hiding the fossil behind his back.] No. [The dog lands in the soup.]
Amy: I hate chiseling right after a manicure. Oh! Darn it! I broke off one of my fingers!
Zoidberg: [He and Cubert are standing near the fossil of a long-necked reptile.] Look, Cubert. The neck on this one. I bet he spent a fortune on ties! [Cubert looks at him, deadpan.] What, too soon?
Cubert: I highly doubt a Jurassic Elaphrosaurus has access to neckwear.
Zoidberg: I knew I should have gone with the ring-around-the-collar joke.
Bender: Hey, look! I found a robot fossil! [He picks up a spring.]
Farnsworth: That's a bedspring, you dumb bedspring! There are no robot fossils!
Bender: What? Who says I didn't evolve?
Farnsworth: Everybody! Robots were created quite recently. It was in all the papers.
Bender: Then explain this! [He turns around and works on something. He turns around and shows the Professor. He has put eyes on the spring and mounted it on a plaque that says "I hate Mondays".]
- [Time Lapse.]
Farnsworth: I've hit a rich vein of missing links. Java Man, Piltdown Man, Manfred Mann. [He throws out the skulls as he names them.] Eureka! [He is holding a skull.] It's the elusive missing missing link! This will show Banjo, once and for all!
- [The crew cheers from nearby, where they are eating their soup.]
Fry: [He scoops up some soup. Amy's finger is in the spoon.] What the...
Amy: Oh, that's mine. [She takes it back.]
- [Scene: NNY. Museum of Natural History. A banner reads "World Bone Premiere".]
Bender: [He walks up to the Professor, wearing an under-sized Tuxedo.] Hmm, my tux doesn't fit. Probably because I've grown so much since I last wore it, or evolved, one might say.
Farnsworth: One might not say that! Your tux doesn't fit because you stole it from a boy!
Bender: You mean a man! It was his Bar Mitzvah.
Ben Beeler: Welcome, museum members. Or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. [The crowd chuckles weakly.]
Zoidberg: [To Cubert.] He's good.
Beeler: Tonight, we have a new resident here in the hall of Hominids, generously donated by its discoverer, Hubert Farnsworth. Ladies and gentlemen, Homo farnsworth. [A curtain rises, revealing the skull and an artist's recreation of the hominid.]
Farnsworth: Once again, science saves the day. The end.
Beeler: And now, to discuss the scientific implications of this discovery, our new museum curator, Dr. Banjo!
Banjo: Thank you Professor Farnsworth, for your generous gift, which has, once and for all dis-proven evolution. [He pulls a cord and a painting of Homo farnsworth riding a dinosaur is revealed.] Behold! Homo farnsworth frolicking with dinosaurs at the moment of creation.
Farnsworth: I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
- [Scene: Outside Planet Express. The ship blasts off.]
- [Scene: Deep Space.]
Farnsworth: Faster! Faster! Just drop me off at that asteroid over there.
- [Scene: Robo-Planetoid.]
Leela: Wow, this planetoid is completely lifeless.
Farnsworth: Not lifeless enough! Set up my shack so that I can kick you out of it!
- [Hermes sets down a container labeled "Blow Shack" and pulls the cord. The shack pops up and sends Hermes flying.]
Fry: [Looking at a polluted pond.] Professor, is this your only water source? It looks like Diet Dr. Pepper.
Farnsworth: It's not that bad. It's just laden with toxic minerals. But not for long. [He rattles a tube.]
Fry: What's in the tube?
Farnsworth: Microscopic Nanobots. [He empties the tube. The robots quickly start cleaning the water.] They're tiny robots I designed to eat up nasty irritants.
Fry: Speaking of nasty irritants, what's going to become of Cubert?
Farnsworth: Who? Oh, my son. Don't worry, he's been safely abandoned with his godfather.
- [Scene: Planet Express. Cubert and Dr. Zoidberg are sitting at a table.]
Zoidberg: Cubert, I felt we needed some father-son bonding time, so I found a couple of baseball gloves and boiled them up for lunch.
Cubert: Why don't you just go to Hell!
Zoidberg: Wait! We still have to discuss the facts of life. What are they?
- [Scene: Robo-Planetoid.]
Hermes: [He walks out of the Professor's shack.] Okay, I finished moving the last grand piano. Now can we have our pizza?
Farnsworth: You'll get your damned pizza, you parasite! First, let see if my Nanobots have purified the water yet. [He pours some water from an Erlenmeyer flask on to a microscope slide and examines it.] Ah, the water's as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. But what's this? The Nanobots have gotten more complex.
Bender: What's that you say? Those robots have evolved all by themselves, you say?
Farnsworth: It wasn't by themselves! I put them there. I'm a genius. Get over it!
Amy: Hey look, now they gotten bigger. [The robots are coming onshore.]
Farnsworth: Good heavens! Trilobots!
- [The Trilobots cannibalize the ship while the crew look on in shock.]
Leela: Oh, no! My sunglasses were in there!
- [Time lapse. The Trilobots attack the crew.]
Hermes: Let's get the pizza out of here. [Hermes runs off with the pizza. The crew follows. The Trilobots cannibalize everything, including the Professor's shack and the pianos inside.]
Amy: Look, there's a cave-like hole in that mountain. It might be a cave. [The crew runs into the cave and blocks the door with a boulder.]
Leela: Does anyone have a lighter?
Bender: Hang on. [He opens a beer and drinks. He burps and adjusts the flame.]
Leela: Okay, we've got shelter and just enough precious food to ward off starvation.
Hermes: It's pizza time. [He passes boxes to the rest of the crew.]
Amy: Pineapple?
Hermes: So much for that. [They all throw away the pizza.]
- [Scene: Planet Express. Cubert's room.]
Zoidberg: Hello, I remembered you like superheroes so I painted you a mural on your wall. [He points to a crude drawing of himself and Cubert in costume.] This is Father-Man. He fights crime to earn Son-Boy's respect. Is it working?
Cubert: This is sucky! You suck! Who taught you to do three-point perspective? I could make a better mural with my butt!
Zoidberg: [Sadly.] Father-Man away. [He scuttles off. Cubert looks ashamed.]
- [Scene: Robo-Planetoid. The crew is waking up.]
Hermes: Nothing like a cave for a good night's sleep. So what do we have to eat that's not poisoned with pineapple?
Farnsworth: I packed plenty of food, but it's all in dehydrated pill form. [He holds up a bottle that says "Steak Dinner 40 mg. Fixin's 10 mg".]
Leela: Then we need water from that pond. We'll have to fight our way past the Trilobots. [Bender moves the boulder.] Go! Go! Hit anything that moves!
- [The crew rushes out, Karate-chopping the non-existent enemies. They all fall into a pile. They get up and take in their surroundings.]
Fry: Whoa.
Bender: Wow.
Amy: A whole forest grew overnight.
Farnsworth: [He knocks on a tree. It is metal and hollow.] All these trees are robotic. I can't believe how quickly they sprung up.
Bender: I can. Robots do everything faster. Including evolving and believing how quickly things spring up.
Leela: [She gets water from the pond and re-hydrates the pill. It turns into a steak.] One thing about Bristol-Myers Squibb, they know how to cook a steak. [She takes a bite.]
Fry: [In the pond, using a robotic leaf as a boat.] Look at me, I'm the Ty-D-Bol man. I own a yacht an everyone poops on me. [He is attacked by a robotic Plesiosaurs.] Help! Police!
Leela: Everybody grab a club. [The rest of the crew starts hitting the robot.]
Fry: [The robot throws opens its mouth and Fry hits the ground, several feet away.] Oh, big, tough water guy, why don't you come up here on land and... [A robotic T-Rex grabs him in its jaws.]
Amy: Look out for the next thing!
- [A robotic Triceratops rams the T-Rex. The T-Rex robot falls into the water and the Triceratops turns on the crew.]
Farnsworth: Great Scott, a Tricycle-tops!
- [The two robot dinosaurs in the pond attack each other.]
Fry: Woo-hoo! Throw down dinosaurs of the land and sea. [Something crows and Fry screams. A robot Pterosaur carries him off.] This is a cool way to die!
- [Scene: Outside Planet Express.]
Cubert: Dr. Zoidberg? I'm sorry for treating you like a total Zoidberg... I mean, loser. [Zoidberg comes out of his dumpster.]
Zoidberg: Go on.
Cubert: It's just that I get bullied a lot. I guess I kinda make fun of people as a defense mechanism.
Brett Blob: Hey, Cubert, is that your family mansion? [He laughs.]
Cubert: Why don't you ask your mom? She's coming over for a sex visit.
- [Brett's insides start boiling and he pushes himself through a fence, coming towards Cubert. Cubert sees this and backs away, whimpering.]
Zoidberg: Don't worry, I know just how to handle bullies. Just pretend like you're pathetic. Help, I'm scared. I wet myself. I'm crying like a baby and I'm soaking in pee, but what else is new? [He bursts into tears.]
Brett: [He laughs.] The pee-babies peed themselves. I'm off to pottery class, dorkwads.
Zoidberg: And that's that.
Cubert: Woah! You're like some kind of dumpster Jedi.
Zoidberg: So, you wanna come in maybe? [He opens the other lid.] I've got a nice pound cake with a footprint on it.
- [Scene: Robo-Planetoid. Fry is being taken to the robot Pterosaur's nest.]
Fry: [Trying to avoid the babies Pterosaurs.] Ah! Don't eat my butt!
- [The others are crawling in the brush, trying to get to Fry.]
Leela: If this is anything like killing that pigeon on my balcony, we've got our work cut out for us.
- [The robot T-rex and another dinosaur attack them. Fry is still trying not to be eaten. The sun flares.]
Farnsworth: Look out, a solar flare!
- [An energy wave hits the Planetoid, turning Fry's hair into an afro and short-circuiting the robots.
Amy: What the shmell happened?
Farnsworth: A mass extinction. [Fry lands unceremoniously near them.] That solar flare created a huge electromagnetic pulse that while harmless to organic life, short-circuited the robo-dinosaurs.
Leela: Convenient.
Farnsworth: Only puny, mammal-like robots cowering in caves could survive such a catastrophe.
- [Bender waits until this moment to move the boulder and leave the cave. He is wearing a scarf.]
Bender: Guys, guys! I taught myself to knit.
Farnsworth: Wait a moment. If we could scavenge the right parts from these robo-dinos, I might be able to construct a rudimentary spaceship to get us off this planet!
- [Time Lapse. The crew is standing in front of a spaceship.]
Farnsworth: Oh, well, it took almost two hours, but it's finished. [The crew cheers.] Now let's go... to sleep. It's solar powered, so we can't take off until sunrise.
Bender: Well, let's find something comfy to bed down on. [Time Lapse. Bender is sleeping on top of Fry, Hermes, and the Professor.]
- [Nearby, Leela and Amy are kidnapped by unknown robots. The rest take no notice, with Bender fluffing his Fry-pillow and turning over.]
- [Time Lapse. The next morning, a mechanical rooster crows and the crew leaves their cave.]
Fry: Hey, looky here. [Mechanical flowers have sprung up, there are animals everywhere.]
Hermes: Sweet robot swan of Botswana!
Bender: Looks like the fittest did a little surviving last night, huh?
Farnsworth: Whatever.
Fry: Hey, looky there. [Amy and Leela are still being abducted.]
Hermes: Those robo-cavemen have kidnapped our human regular-women!
Fry: We gotta save them! But the only weapon we have is my fan dance. [He shows off a fan.]
Farnsworth: Hmm, I believe I can fashion a slingshot using this robot wishbone and this elastic from my pants. [His pants fall down.]
- [Scene: Cavemen's cave. The cavemen drops their captives on the ground. They grunt at them and drop a broom nearby.]
Amy: I think they want wives, so just play along. If it doesn't work out, we'll still get half their rocks.
Leela: I can earn my own rocks! Also, I don't want any rocks!
- [Scene: Outside the Crew's cave.]
Farnsworth: Well, it took almost twelve hours, but it's finished.
Hermes: It's too dark now, but first thing tomorrow we'll slingshot them like they've never been slangshat. [They go into their cave.]
- [Time Lapse. The next morning. The remaining crew run out of the cave, screaming war cries. They run right past Amy and Leela. They stop and run back.]
Fry: What's going on? How did we save you?
Amy: It was the weirdest thing. We went to sleep, and when we woke up, our cave husbands were gone.
Leela: I'm gonna miss Spencer.
- [Something rustles in the bushes nearby. The robot woman comes out. Fry snorts and scratches his head in confusion.]
Dr. Widnar: Don't be afraid, little guys. I'm not gonna hurt you. [She throws a net on Fry.]
Fry: [He whistles.] Nice net.
Widnar: You... you can speak?
Hermes: Dread my locks! A fully-evolved robot human.
Widnar: I'm Dr. Widnar, a naturalist.
Bender: And I'm Bender, baby. My human slaves and I come from a planet where organic life and robotic life evolved side by side.
Farnsworth: Oh, shut up!
Widnar: Amazing. [She pokes Hermes.] I've theorized that carbon-based, fat-filled life could exist, but until today, I never had any proof.
Leela: Good for you. Can we go home now? [Widnar throws a net on Leela.]
- [Scene: Museum of Natural Robo-History. The crew looks at the "Ascent of Bot". Widnar steps up to a podium.]
Widnar: Welcome, museum members, or, as I like to call you, future exhibits. [A robot coughs.] I now present my latest discovery, the amazing non-mechanical man, Homo farnsworth.
Farnsworth: Thank you. I must say, I'm so proud to see what you've blossomed into since I first created your ancestors.
- [The crowd gasps.]
Widnar: What?
Farnsworth: I thought you knew. You all evolved from some filth-gobbling Nanobots I designed. I dumped them in one of your ponds a few days ago.
Widnar: But this is Creationist talk!
Robot Farnsworth: He speaks lies! The Earth was created in eons not days.
Farnsworth: Yes, relative to you, it was eons, but, well, look at this hologram I took the day before yesterday of a robot frolicking with a robo-dinosaur. [He shows a hologram of Bender riding one of the dinosaurs. The crowd gasps again.]
Widnar: I don't want to live on this planet anymore! [She blasts off.]
Robo-Police: You're under arrest for crimes against science.
Farnsworth: [He is dragged off.] No! Could you drag me by the restroom?
- [USB Today Headline: "Trial of the Century. Carbon-based life-form accused of Creationism." Underneath, "Carbon-based life-form discovered.]
- [Scene: Superior Gort. Exterior. Protestors are hassling the Professor.]
Robot: Go back to Roboklahoma!
- [Scene: Superior Gort.]
Superior Gort Judge: Order! In the matter of Everyone v. Farnsworth, the alleged creationist faces a sentence of death by melting. Who is representing the accused?
Leela: I am...
Bender: I am, your Honor. [Everyone else gasps.]
Farnsworth: Bender, what the Hell are you doing?
Bender: Shut up, I'm billing you by the hour! Besides, I'm a robot, they'll listen to me. [He clears his throat.] Ladytrons and gentlebots...
Superior Gort Prosecutor: Objection. In the absence of pants, defense's suspenders serve no purpose.
Superior Gort Judge: I'm going to allow them, for now.
Bender: Thank you. Your Honor, this meat-man does not deny that we robots are the glorious products of evolution. He claim only to have played a small role in supplying the initial machinery. I ask you, is that so crazy? Yes, it's completely crazy, and that is why you must find him not guilty by reason of insanity! [Everyone gasps again.]
Farnsworth: Objection, I'm not crazy! I created you all and I came here in a homemade spaceship and lived in a cave. If you don't believe me, ask my uncle.
- [Fry gives a thumbs-up.]
Superior Gort Judge: Prosecutor, your opening statement?
Superior Gort Prosecutor: [on cell-phone.] Yeah, honey. I'll be home by dinner. [To the Judge.] The prosecution rests, your Honor.
Superior Gort Judge: Very well, we will reconvene when the jury reaches a verdict.
- [A fork-lift carries the jury box out of the room.]
Bender: [To Farnsworth.] Son, you in a whole mess of trouble.
- [Time lapse. The next morning. A gavel bangs.]
Superior Gort Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?
Robotic gas forms: No, we have not, for we have evolved to a high state of consciousness. [They are all energy beings.] In the grand scheme, all physical beings are but yokels. Now, settle your petty squabbles and get the hell out. [A blinding flash occurs and the energy beings are gone.]
Bender: [To Farnsworth.] That'll be $10,000.
- [Scene: Planet Express. The ship lands. The Professor is showing Banjo pictures of his experience.]
Banjo: Well, digital photographs don't lie. I admit that what you witnessed may have been some form of evolution.
Farnsworth: I'm glad you agree, Dr. Banjo.
Banjo: Evolution set into motion by a wise and all-knowing Creator. You.
Farnsworth: [He chuckles.] Well I don't know about all-knowing. And I admit it's possible, however unlikely, that some wise and all-knowing alien monster set evolution in motion here on Earth.
Bender: And the Creator could also be a robot.
Farnsworth: Then who built this so-called Creator-robot?
Banjo: Some magical bearded robot in the sky? [He and Farnsworth laugh.]
Bender: I guess that would be stupid. Never mind.
Farnsworth: Then it's settled. Finally, a world in which I'm happy to raise my son!
Zoidberg: Good, cause I'm sick of him!
- [Closing Credits.]
Zoidberg: [Over credits.] I'm serious. He's a terrible person.
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